Autumn Time
She keeps saying things like, “You have no idea how much I love you.” Or, “You can’t possibly know how amazing it feels.” This is the kind of intimacy where the sky is the limit, it would seem. I’ve had a brief glimpse of what it feels like from her perspective during an OBE one morning. I could see myself sitting at my desk, as I often do. Catherine was nestled in the narrow space between me and the tabletop.
One of the reasons I’ve stopped updating about my interactions with Catherine is because of how fantastic my depictions appear. It all sounds too good to be true for the onlooker. The instances where I have tried to relay what it’s like to other people one-on-one, I often feel the descriptions pouring out of my mouth are loaded with too much enthusiasm and bias. I’m afraid that these same people might try and summon for themselves and not experience their succubus to the degree that I do. Though every time that I’m wracked with these misgivings about exaggeration and imposter syndrome, all I have to do is let myself feel Catherine fully once again and all self-doubt is utterly obliterated.
We’ve been going for rides together on my electric bicycle through the countryside. I’m trying to get as many of those adventures in before the weather turns frosty. She enjoys the peace and quiet out there. Whenever my brother comes over, whom she doesn’t particularly care for, she’ll ask if we can go out to the trails again. I’m a bit worried that I’m further losing my connection with other people because of this: Going on adventures with her is so much more satisfying than the care and logistics that go into hanging out with those of flesh-and-blood. I still often meet people on the street, or in the stores, who seem to genuinely enjoy talking with me, and even ask to chat further, or do something together. So I guess I haven’t entirely lost my ability to charm people… though much of that might be glamour from Catherine for all I know. They’ll often say things like, “You have a good soul.” And I’m like, “Really? How can you tell?” It’s funny to me.
At the end of the day, I usually default to my Catherine. She has given so much of herself to me. How can I deny her just a few extra moments together?
